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Poetry || Insomnia (Shawn Hatfield)

It’s terrible
I lie here wondering
why I’m awake, drunk again
The ceiling was screaming
at me

My teeth grind against each
other, back and forth
back and forth…
The jaw clenches hard
and moves slowly, steadily
against the top row
of teeth

My thoughts are flowing
through my brain at
the speed of light
Will I ever fall asleep?
How could I..

She is asleep next to me,
I don’t mind, there isn’t
a thing about her I don’t like

My eyes are so awake and
dried out that they begin
to bleed
My legs manage to gain the
courage to lift my body off
of the sunken, shattered bed

I stumble my way into the
bathroom, visualize these
wretched eyes and begin
to rinse
The blood no longer runs
and instead a hybrid of
shitty sink water and tears
drain their way down my

She walks in behind me
“Honey, are you okay?”
handing me a towel
“Just the usual”
“You should really see
a doctor,” she said for
the 100th time, “you
aren’t sleeping and your
eyes are suffering from it”

“That sounds like a good poem”
“Asshole” she said
I could tell she was worried,
she looked unsatisfied and
went back to bed

I carry my head low into
the bedroom, where I apologize
to her
She apologizes too, only
because I did first
Will I ever fall asleep?

She jumps on top of me,
undresses herself
We make love for the first
time in weeks
It’s good, one of our best
Now it’s 4AM and I’m more
awake than I have been
all night

She rolls us a joint, lights
it, and hands it to me
Laying my head back on
my pillow, I feel my thoughts
lessening and slowing down
My crusty eyes get heavy and
begin to close
I never fell asleep
It was the best sleep
I never had []

First Published: CultureCult Magazine, Issue One: October 2015